Comments on: Death, Recover, Time to Write Again http://ianduncan.com/2010/02/26/death-recover-time-to-blog-again/ Sex, Life and Introspection Mon, 26 Jul 2010 20:24:46 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Casper http://ianduncan.com/2010/02/26/death-recover-time-to-blog-again/comment-page-1/#comment-2519 Casper Thu, 22 Jul 2010 22:41:47 +0000 http://ianduncan.com/?p=3289#comment-2519 Thanks so much for your sweet words, it means a lot to me. I think you're right that it's better not to waste more time on bad things from the past. It's better to cut my losses and move along to better things. Which I'm trying my best to do. Thanks again for taking a moment to say something so encouraging. :) Thanks so much for your sweet words, it means a lot to me. I think you’re right that it’s better not to waste more time on bad things from the past. It’s better to cut my losses and move along to better things. Which I’m trying my best to do. Thanks again for taking a moment to say something so encouraging. :)

]]> By: Emily http://ianduncan.com/2010/02/26/death-recover-time-to-blog-again/comment-page-1/#comment-1678 Emily Mon, 31 May 2010 05:56:25 +0000 http://ianduncan.com/?p=3289#comment-1678 I'm so shocked by your story that I don't know what to say. I very much understand your desires for revenche, or at least justice, but it seems those people do not deserve your time and attention and it's probably best if you ignore them. I hope your counselor will guide you well in your healing process, and I'm sure you will live a beautiful and happy life because you are a good and beautiful person. I wish the best for you. Kisses from Spain! I’m so shocked by your story that I don’t know what to say. I very much understand your desires for revenche, or at least justice, but it seems those people do not deserve your time and attention and it’s probably best if you ignore them. I hope your counselor will guide you well in your healing process, and I’m sure you will live a beautiful and happy life because you are a good and beautiful person. I wish the best for you.
Kisses from Spain!

]]> By: Michelle http://ianduncan.com/2010/02/26/death-recover-time-to-blog-again/comment-page-1/#comment-1038 Michelle Mon, 19 Apr 2010 13:53:18 +0000 http://ianduncan.com/?p=3289#comment-1038 Find peace in every step my friend. Recovering from PTSD can take time but it sounds like you are taking the right steps. I'm sending you some good vibes here! Keep in mind that good people are out there. Find peace in every step my friend. Recovering from PTSD can take time but it sounds like you are taking the right steps. I’m sending you some good vibes here! Keep in mind that good people are out there.

]]> By: Amy http://ianduncan.com/2010/02/26/death-recover-time-to-blog-again/comment-page-1/#comment-1034 Amy Sun, 18 Apr 2010 18:38:50 +0000 http://ianduncan.com/?p=3289#comment-1034 Condolences on your father's passing... and I know the feeling. I think not too many understand what's it's like to grow up "not as expected". My dad died too and I could have cared less... and still have no emotion attached to it. I don't even know what year, month or day he died? That's what being different does to us... not sure what to tell you... maybe that you're not alone? Anyway... hugz... keep talking about stuff and sharing. Michael Condolences on your father’s passing… and I know the feeling. I think not too many understand what’s it’s like to grow up “not as expected”. My dad died too and I could have cared less… and still have no emotion attached to it. I don’t even know what year, month or day he died? That’s what being different does to us… not sure what to tell you… maybe that you’re not alone? Anyway… hugz… keep talking about stuff and sharing. Michael

]]> By: Amy http://ianduncan.com/2010/02/26/death-recover-time-to-blog-again/comment-page-1/#comment-1030 Amy Sun, 18 Apr 2010 14:54:09 +0000 http://ianduncan.com/?p=3289#comment-1030 Ian I have just discovered you. I have a membership in Broke Straight Boys and Videoboys is a bonus site from there. I just saw your performances on the Videoboys site and was very impressed. More than just beautiful your personality came through as gentle and kind. I decided to look for you and found the fan site. When I found the entry about the death of your father I was shocked. That no one would contact you was beyond inhumane. They had so many years to get over it. Be strong. You need to know there are others out here on your side. Jon Ian

I have just discovered you. I have a membership in Broke Straight Boys and Videoboys is a bonus site from there. I just saw your performances on the Videoboys site and was very impressed. More than just beautiful your personality came through as gentle and kind. I decided to look for you and found the fan site. When I found the entry about the death of your father I was shocked. That no one would contact you was beyond inhumane. They had so many years to get over it. Be strong. You need to know there are others out here on your side.

Jon

]]> By: Casper http://ianduncan.com/2010/02/26/death-recover-time-to-blog-again/comment-page-1/#comment-987 Casper Mon, 12 Apr 2010 19:26:23 +0000 http://ianduncan.com/?p=3289#comment-987 Hi Jon, thanks for taking a moment to write to me. :) I'm, glad you had a chance to stumble onto Videoboys, and even more glad that you liked it, he he. But really I don't know what to say in response to such sweet compliments from you, other than to say that I really do appreciate it, and can see that you're a very good person too. Yeah it was a shock to me to hear about my fathering dying, 6 moths after he died, and from someone I barely even know who just mentioned it in passing, as if it were some menial trivia. I've always believed my family were complete psychopaths, but I've also always held out the wish that they would prove me wrong. And almost 20 years later, they're just confirming my original thoughts about them all over again, and I can't even begin to describe how sad and worthless that makes me feel. But I try to look at it from their side too. I left at 15 and refused to have any contact with them for the next almost 20 years now, and even considered filing a restraining order against them when I was younger. But I made my choice to leave them against their wishes, and I made it crystal clear how much I absolutely hated them to no end. So it's quite possible they wanted to tell me about my father dying, but were afraid to contact me in case I blew up on them. But I don't know, I think I'm just looking for excuses to make it feel less horrible that it does. And while it may not be ideal, sometimes that's all we can do to get through our days. Hi Jon, thanks for taking a moment to write to me. :) I’m, glad you had a chance to stumble onto Videoboys, and even more glad that you liked it, he he. But really I don’t know what to say in response to such sweet compliments from you, other than to say that I really do appreciate it, and can see that you’re a very good person too. Yeah it was a shock to me to hear about my fathering dying, 6 moths after he died, and from someone I barely even know who just mentioned it in passing, as if it were some menial trivia. I’ve always believed my family were complete psychopaths, but I’ve also always held out the wish that they would prove me wrong. And almost 20 years later, they’re just confirming my original thoughts about them all over again, and I can’t even begin to describe how sad and worthless that makes me feel. But I try to look at it from their side too. I left at 15 and refused to have any contact with them for the next almost 20 years now, and even considered filing a restraining order against them when I was younger. But I made my choice to leave them against their wishes, and I made it crystal clear how much I absolutely hated them to no end. So it’s quite possible they wanted to tell me about my father dying, but were afraid to contact me in case I blew up on them. But I don’t know, I think I’m just looking for excuses to make it feel less horrible that it does. And while it may not be ideal, sometimes that’s all we can do to get through our days.

]]> By: Jon http://ianduncan.com/2010/02/26/death-recover-time-to-blog-again/comment-page-1/#comment-928 Jon Sun, 04 Apr 2010 19:49:35 +0000 http://ianduncan.com/?p=3289#comment-928 Ian I have just discovered you. I have a membership in Broke Straight Boys and Videoboys is a bonus site from there. I just saw your performances on the Videoboys site and was very impressed. More than just beautiful your personality came through as gentle and kind. I decided to look for you and found the fan site. When I found the entry about the death of your father I was shocked. That no one would contact you was beyond inhumane. They had so many years to get over it. Be strong. You need to know there are others out here on your side. Jon Ian

I have just discovered you. I have a membership in Broke Straight Boys and Videoboys is a bonus site from there. I just saw your performances on the Videoboys site and was very impressed. More than just beautiful your personality came through as gentle and kind. I decided to look for you and found the fan site. When I found the entry about the death of your father I was shocked. That no one would contact you was beyond inhumane. They had so many years to get over it. Be strong. You need to know there are others out here on your side.

Jon

]]> By: Jim http://ianduncan.com/2010/02/26/death-recover-time-to-blog-again/comment-page-1/#comment-870 Jim Mon, 29 Mar 2010 12:15:30 +0000 http://ianduncan.com/?p=3289#comment-870 Ian First, I want to say how happy I was to find your blog again, as someone who has followed not just your vids but also your thoughts for 15 years (?). Your appearance and openness have always made you seem special to me. Secondly, I'm writing to as a former abused child (maybe not as bad as your childhood, but still, I grew up in a world of fear and mental abuse, in which I didn't know if there would ever be a place for me, knowing if there was it was up to me to make it for myself; and in spite of a lot of success I am still struggling decades later with that doubt and problems of self-image which only my closest friends can imagine.) I had to pass on this poem to you, and if it's cut off, google Mary Oliver's poem, "The Journey". Jim The Journey One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice-- though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. "Mend my life!" each voice cried. But you didn't stop. You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations, though their melancholy was terrible. It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones. But little by little, as you left their voices behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do-- determined to save the only life you could save. © Mary Oliver Ian
First, I want to say how happy I was to find your blog again, as someone who has followed not just your vids but also your thoughts for 15 years (?). Your appearance and openness have always made you seem special to me.
Secondly, I’m writing to as a former abused child (maybe not as bad as your childhood, but still, I grew up in a world of fear and mental abuse, in which I didn’t know if there would ever be a place for me, knowing if there was it was up to me to make it for myself; and in spite of a lot of success I am still struggling decades later with that doubt and problems of self-image which only my closest friends can imagine.)
I had to pass on this poem to you, and if it’s cut off, google Mary Oliver’s poem, “The Journey”.
Jim

The Journey

One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting their bad advice–
though the whole house began to tremble
and you felt the old tug at your ankles.
“Mend my life!” each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy was terrible.
It was already late enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper into the world,
determined to do the only thing you could do–
determined to save
the only life you could save.

© Mary Oliver

]]> By: Mike http://ianduncan.com/2010/02/26/death-recover-time-to-blog-again/comment-page-1/#comment-837 Mike Tue, 23 Mar 2010 00:59:50 +0000 http://ianduncan.com/?p=3289#comment-837 Even though my mother and I have reconciled after 15 years of barely speaking to one another and after 20 years of a disintegrating relationship, I still can empathise to some extent with you. I know it's not the same as being in your situation, but not everyone can have a loving relationship with either or both of their parents. I'm glad you're taking steps to deal with your feelings in a constructive way. I wish for your sake that your mother could find it in her heart to apologise for the wrongs she committed against you. Unfortunately, sometimes it takes death for people to see life a little more clearly. My mother contacted me last year when my maternal grandmother was admitted to hospice. Four days later, Grandma was gone. At least my mother had the decency to call and let me/us know right away. Also, I remember reading your writing back in the early days of the Internet (or at least what feels like it now!). I hope things are going well for you now. Even though my mother and I have reconciled after 15 years of barely speaking to one another and after 20 years of a disintegrating relationship, I still can empathise to some extent with you. I know it’s not the same as being in your situation, but not everyone can have a loving relationship with either or both of their parents.

I’m glad you’re taking steps to deal with your feelings in a constructive way. I wish for your sake that your mother could find it in her heart to apologise for the wrongs she committed against you.

Unfortunately, sometimes it takes death for people to see life a little more clearly. My mother contacted me last year when my maternal grandmother was admitted to hospice. Four days later, Grandma was gone. At least my mother had the decency to call and let me/us know right away.

Also, I remember reading your writing back in the early days of the Internet (or at least what feels like it now!). I hope things are going well for you now.

]]> By: Alex http://ianduncan.com/2010/02/26/death-recover-time-to-blog-again/comment-page-1/#comment-764 Alex Wed, 10 Mar 2010 00:49:46 +0000 http://ianduncan.com/?p=3289#comment-764 Ian, Chuffed you're finding your writing rhythm. Looking forward to your journey. Let go of the concept of "deficient stock". Embrace the fact you are incredibly adept at moving forward, growth, and self preservation. A lesser man would still be in the tar pit of pain you describe. Luv ya mate. Alex Ian,

Chuffed you’re finding your writing rhythm.

Looking forward to your journey. Let go of the concept of “deficient stock”. Embrace the fact you are incredibly adept at moving forward, growth, and self preservation. A lesser man would still be in the tar pit of pain you describe.

Luv ya mate.

Alex

]]> By: Clemente Zamora http://ianduncan.com/2010/02/26/death-recover-time-to-blog-again/comment-page-1/#comment-761 Clemente Zamora Mon, 08 Mar 2010 13:08:34 +0000 http://ianduncan.com/?p=3289#comment-761 I'm so shocked by your story that I don't know what to say. I very much understand your desires for revenche, or at least justice, but it seems those people do not deserve your time and attention and it's probably best if you ignore them. I hope your counselor will guide you well in your healing process, and I'm sure you will live a beautiful and happy life because you are a good and beautiful person. I wish the best for you. Kisses from Spain! I’m so shocked by your story that I don’t know what to say. I very much understand your desires for revenche, or at least justice, but it seems those people do not deserve your time and attention and it’s probably best if you ignore them. I hope your counselor will guide you well in your healing process, and I’m sure you will live a beautiful and happy life because you are a good and beautiful person. I wish the best for you.
Kisses from Spain!

]]> By: Michael http://ianduncan.com/2010/02/26/death-recover-time-to-blog-again/comment-page-1/#comment-732 Michael Wed, 03 Mar 2010 03:45:41 +0000 http://ianduncan.com/?p=3289#comment-732 Hey man, I feel for you. I had a parent pass away, and I wish unfinished business was cleared before then. The pain in our past can definitely influence how our lives can unfold. We either let that pain take over us, or we draw strength from it when facing our current challenges. Hey man, I feel for you. I had a parent pass away, and I wish unfinished business was cleared before then. The pain in our past can definitely influence how our lives can unfold. We either let that pain take over us, or we draw strength from it when facing our current challenges.

]]> By: Greg http://ianduncan.com/2010/02/26/death-recover-time-to-blog-again/comment-page-1/#comment-720 Greg Tue, 02 Mar 2010 03:37:08 +0000 http://ianduncan.com/?p=3289#comment-720 To be honest, I really don't know how to respond. To say "I'm sorry for your loss" would seem to be a bit bland and, from reading what an asshole your father was, I don't think you'd appreciate it. And since I can't console your personally, guess a "if I was there I'd give you a great big hug" will have to do.....?? I hope you can put this behind you and "shake the dust from your shoes" (some quote in that bible thing I think - lol) and move on. Take care and my best to you. To be honest, I really don’t know how to respond.
To say “I’m sorry for your loss” would seem to be a bit bland and, from reading what an asshole your father was, I don’t think you’d appreciate it.
And since I can’t console your personally, guess a “if I was there I’d give you a great big hug” will have to do…..??
I hope you can put this behind you and “shake the dust from your shoes” (some quote in that bible thing I think – lol) and move on.
Take care and my best to you.

]]> By: Michael http://ianduncan.com/2010/02/26/death-recover-time-to-blog-again/comment-page-1/#comment-717 Michael Sun, 28 Feb 2010 17:21:04 +0000 http://ianduncan.com/?p=3289#comment-717 Condolences on your father's passing... and I know the feeling. I think not too many understand what's it's like to grow up "not as expected". My dad died too and I could have cared less... and still have no emotion attached to it. I don't even know what year, month or day he died? That's what being different does to us... not sure what to tell you... maybe that you're not alone? Anyway... hugz... keep talking about stuff and sharing. Michael Condolences on your father’s passing… and I know the feeling. I think not too many understand what’s it’s like to grow up “not as expected”. My dad died too and I could have cared less… and still have no emotion attached to it. I don’t even know what year, month or day he died? That’s what being different does to us… not sure what to tell you… maybe that you’re not alone? Anyway… hugz… keep talking about stuff and sharing. Michael

]]> By: TJ http://ianduncan.com/2010/02/26/death-recover-time-to-blog-again/comment-page-1/#comment-716 TJ Sun, 28 Feb 2010 11:12:09 +0000 http://ianduncan.com/?p=3289#comment-716 Find peace in every step my friend. Recovering from PTSD can take time but it sounds like you are taking the right steps. I'm sending you some good vibes here! Keep in mind that good people are out there. Find peace in every step my friend. Recovering from PTSD can take time but it sounds like you are taking the right steps. I’m sending you some good vibes here! Keep in mind that good people are out there.

]]> By: Steve http://ianduncan.com/2010/02/26/death-recover-time-to-blog-again/comment-page-1/#comment-713 Steve Sun, 28 Feb 2010 02:48:21 +0000 http://ianduncan.com/?p=3289#comment-713 Very few people are going to understand the gravity of the pain you have gone through and the ordeal of having to come to terms with this. I think it is extremely brave of you to discuss what you have been through and I am sure it would help many people knowing how you are dealing with this and seeing what you have achieved since leaving your "home". It certainly doesn't sound you can call your biological parents "family" and hope you have found friends along the way to be your real "family". I hope you have found further strength through the supporters of your business, blog etc. We certainly wish you continued success for the future. Very few people are going to understand the gravity of the pain you have gone through and the ordeal of having to come to terms with this. I think it is extremely brave of you to discuss what you have been through and I am sure it would help many people knowing how you are dealing with this and seeing what you have achieved since leaving your “home”. It certainly doesn’t sound you can call your biological parents “family” and hope you have found friends along the way to be your real “family”. I hope you have found further strength through the supporters of your business, blog etc. We certainly wish you continued success for the future.

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