(From my journal for my writer’s craft class)
I was glad to be back in class today after missing all that time last week. It makes me feel guilty to be away from school and work even when I’m as ill as I am.
I still haven’t received my blood test results back. I know I was terrified about what the doctor in the emergency room at St. Joseph’s Hospital said to me last week but after thinking about it a lot and talking to my friends about it, I’m quite sure that I’m not HIV+. Although there’s still fear inside me that I will turn out positive. Ever since my trip to the emergency room last Friday the 27th, I have been trying to overcome this fear by embracing it. If I don’t, it will eat me up. That’s partly what my independent study was about, being able to absorb my fears.
That reminds me of the enneagrams we did. What I read about number fours (which is what I am) is also included in my independent study:
“Intensify reality thorough fantasy,
imagination, and by heightening
passionate feelings.”
“Self-pity leads to different kinds of
self-indulgence – to becoming
decadent and sensual, to wallowing
in a world of dreams, illusions, and
unrealistic expectations.”
These thing are both very trye about me. I don’t know if you remember these being part of my independent study or not, but they were in there. When I read about them in my enneagram I laughed because I thought it was such a coincidence to find out about it after I had already written about it.
